The Unofficial Support Manual
Everyone knows there is sensitivity around the ‘C’ word. You can’t just go to the bookstore and pick up a manual to know how to show support to someone who’s been diagnosed with breast cancer. Sometimes the best of intentions to show encouragement backfire and you strike a chord making that person feel worse than they already do.
Breast cancer is a hard enough road to travel without being disheartened by well-meaning but naïve supporters. To find out what some of the comments people should avoid saying to someone battling breast cancer, we went to the community that would know best, those currently in the fight and the survivors. By them sharing what made things harder on them to make it through, we hope it will provide insight to keep others from feeling the same hurt.
From the feedback our Facebook community gave, here are the most common comments to avoid:
- “I know how you feel” - Unless you’re going through breast cancer yourself, you can’t possibly know how they’re feeling. Show compassion but don’t act as if you’ve been in their shoes.
- “But you don’t look sick” or “you look great” – You may be trying to make them feel better but that doesn’t change the fact that they are sick and it’s a hard diagnosis to deal with.
- “Why would you do that to your hair?” – Any comments regarding hair should be off limits. If they’re wearing a baseball cap, don’t ask why. If they still have hair, don’t ask when it’s going to fall out. It’ll be a big enough adjustment to deal with when it does, until then it doesn’t need to be discussed.
- “It’s only stage one, no biggie” – Don’t minimize the seriousness of the disease or tell them they’ll be fine when no one knows what the outcome will be. Thinking positive is one thing but offering promises out of your hands is another.
The best thing anyone can do for someone battling breast cancer is to be a good listener. Be that shoulder for them to cry on and that hand to hold. For the complete list of comments made to avoid “foot-in-mouth” disease, visit our Facebook page.
Filed in: Coping
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